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Hello all, I had an interesting and unpleasant encounter tonight and I would like your honest opinion on the situation. I know those of us who practice yoga normally should not drink and I do my best not to, but it was a friends birthday SO....
I went out with a few of my friends tonight, had a few drinks too many but did not get out of control. I chose to leave early as I do not really enjoy being out at the bars past a few glasses of wine. As I was walking home, a stranger struck up a conversation with me, I chatted nonchalantly as I walked home (the bar my friends were at was only a 10 minute walk from my house) didn't really think anything of it.... but then he grabbed me from behind! So out of reflex and self defense I slapped him in the face as hard as I could!!
Now I am home safe, and feeling both guilty and violated by what happened. I think defending myself was the right thing to do but I also feel strange about inflicting physical violence on another person. I know that self defense practices like kung fu and ju jitsu (sp?) are common among followers of the eastern tradition so I am curious what the views on self defense are?
I felt endangered and acted out of reflex. Not looking for a justification of my actions, but I guess I am not really sure what I am looking for... I feel a) violated b) guilty for being physically violent c) embarrassed for putting myself in that situation d) angry e) unsure.
Perhaps this post should have been left as a personal journal and not shared, but then again - I imagine there are many people who have had similar things happen to them... and as I look back with a slightly less instinctual point of view, I hope anyone who has had an experience such as this did have the ability to fight back.
While I do not claim to be spectacular or perfect, I do consider myself an ethical and moral person, and I am disgusted when I have experiences such as this!! Why do people who think it is acceptable to fondle a stranger exist?!
I try to keep the Buddhist/Yogic point of view that there are Old Souls and Young Souls and some have much more growing to do than others, but I live in a big city and find it frightening how many "angry ghost" types I see on my day to day! I understand that there are people who need to learn more, and people who are just lost and have not found there way through no fault of there own other that naivete.... BUT how do we explain these people that abuse others, physically, verbally, mentally, financially, socially, etc??
How do we create a existence where those of us who mean no harm do not get taken advantage of, while at the same time elucidating reality for those who find material/violence/power/money to be their God?
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Re: self defense
Sun, October 4, 2009 - 10:57 AMFrom time to time life presents us with situations in which we're provided with an insight as to who we are. We can go into imagination as to how we might act if we were confronted with a situation, but we really don't know how we'll respond until we're confronted. From an outsider's point of view, I'd say you took a measured response, certainly nothing to be ashamed about. Who knows, your actions might have saved your life, yet I can understand how the burst of adrenaline in you and your corresponding response could cause you to second guess yourself. And I can understand how such an experience has the tendency, like a broken record, to keep playing itself in your mind again and again. But, this will begin to diminish over time.
The angry ghosts out there aren't going to go away; they're a permanent part of the landscape. I've found that for myself, on most occasions, if possible, it's best to avoid them, keep some distance. Street smarts.
And if you live in a dicey neighborhood, it might be a good idea to walk with a friend after dark.
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Re: self defense
Sun, October 4, 2009 - 12:56 PMThe object of yoga is to transcend the lower selves and to connect with one's higher self. In times of darkness, some portions of humankind degenerate to their lower animal selves. So in these times we need be ready to keep the darkness at bay... even if you are living in a protected sanctuary.
All throughout history there has been a tradition established with every great religion or belief system needing to develop a defense starategy. This is simple practical self-defense --- from necessity of survival to keep and spread knowledge and spread their truth. >>
The Irish priests against the Vikings. The Shaolin priests against warrior Mongols, the Templar priest-warriors against barbarism, the Hashhassins against polluters of The Faith--- the list goes on. Even yogis 5000 years back, practicing in the forests of Northern India, had their methods of defense against animals and bandits. Asian martial arts stem from and were all developed within the Buddhist Temple system.
So when one lives in the world one needs to meet it sometimes on its own terms --- and that means sometimes having to defend oneself. We really can't afford to kind of kick back and allow violence to happen to us from a passive acceptance of love & peace. You need to be able to keep your peace in order to practice love. -
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Re: self defense
Sun, October 4, 2009 - 5:24 PMBravo to you for defending yourself. You should feel proud, not guilty!
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Re: self defense
Sun, October 4, 2009 - 6:02 PMyou gotta keep it real sometimes is all
8^D -
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Re: self defense
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 6:48 AMAhimsa is cessation of all hostilities, including those to yourself. It's not like the Christian teaching of turn the other cheek. Instead, I view your reaction as nothing more than self-preservation, but if you harbor anger towards this person for weeks, then you know you're getting out of whack. -
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Re: self defense
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 11:25 AMAhimsa is great if you can afford it . ----for instance if you have a couple of bodyguards that go everywhere with you, or if you live in a secured sanctuary and rarely leave it. Then you can default to the practice of peaceful loving-kindness 24/7 without a care for the evils of the world out there.
The rest of us are sometimes (rarely, but sometimes) exposed to criminals, social misfits, violent types, unstable elements, etc. and need to acquire techniques of confronting that, wether non-violent or physical.
The Buddha had a trick of facing down wild rampaging elephants and gentling them, just with a look. Maybe we all have that power deep inside ... only we need to learn to develop it. Until that time, I'd say if you live in a rough neighborhood, take some courses in self-defense.
Peace is not a given. Most people have a struggle to get it and a continued struggle to keep it. -
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Re: self defense
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 11:29 AMSorry I was not clearer. I meant that ahimsa also means not allowing violence or hostilities to happen to anyone, including yourself.
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Re: self defense
Mon, October 12, 2009 - 4:34 PMIn the buddhist tradition i have studied, we are encouraged not only to protect this "precious human incarnation" but also to protect others from perpetuating bad karma by enacting their violent habits or shady sexual boundaries.
For these reasons we train in self defence methods so that we can have conscious decisions about how we'd like to defend ourselves - not ONLY unconscious instinct. As our practice deepens, we realize that perhaps the most compassionate thing we could do is give another a slap or a shout (many ancient yogic masters are known for this with their students actually.... even Ammachi with her students, i've heard) and wake them up.
For me, i feel the essence of Ahimsa resides in our intention. If we allow violent emotions to rise up, they will subtly poison us over time, but if we have compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves and we let this express through vigorous action (virya/karma yoga) this can be an expression of our true nature.
Krishna gives a famous discourse on this in the classic text the Bhagavad Gita.
Bless
